Play ball
Why can't there be more women like Erin Phillips in my league?
Sports are a funny thing. I’ve been playing ever since I could walk, maybe before, due in no small part to the fact that I have five older brothers who all played one sport or another. Some of my earliest memories include shooting hoops with my brothers in the driveway, or football out in the street. My brothers taught me how to run, shoot, throw, swing, catch, ride a bike. But more than that, they taught me how to move: how to anticipate a throw or a tag, when to accelerate or decelerate, and how to time a jump so I could block a shot.
Although I’ve played volleyball, soccer, softball and basketball teams and run track & field at various times of my life, I ended up going to college on a basketball scholarship. I didn’t play like a girl; I played like my brothers, and I’ve heard it countless times: “You play like a dude.” I was fucking tough. I dove on the floor, I pushed people around, I hit the ball hard and far, and I wasn’t afraid of confrontation or of the physicality of it all – and I have the scars to prove it. It became part of my identity, not only because I was known for playing, but because I felt like myself when I played.
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I’ve been thinking about this in the past couple of weeks since I started my new basketball league. It’s years later (and no, I’m telling how many) and I’m recognizing now that there is something about playing ball for me that just draws out my masculinity. I can feel it in my body as soon as I start lacing up my shoes. It’s the way my posture changes. The way my chest puffs out. Even the way I wear my shorts and t-shirt. My entire physical demeanor becomes more aggressive. And if I have a girl watching me, or see a hot woman in the stands, don’t even get me started on how much I’ll show off. I feel like some animal from a National Geographic documentary.
An example of my energy shift is something that happened last week at my basketball game, when I took a blindsided cheap shot after the buzzer from a much bigger girl (think three inches taller and probably 30 pounds heavier – and I’m 5’11″ to begin with!) that knocked me clean off my feet and on to my back about four feet. Once I realized what happened, I got up and went after her, asking her very nicely if there was a problem. And when I say ask nicely, I mean I yelled, “What the FUCK is your PROBLEM?” My teammates stepped in, her teammates stepped in, and after running my mouth for a minute (I think I clapped for her and chanted, “M-V-P!” and told her I’d see her on the all-star team. God, I’m an ass when someone does something stupid), it was over: a 3-or 4-minute dust up, nothing more.
To me, it’s not about the argument, because I don’t often fight. It’s about the don’t-mess-with-me attitude that comes out. I feel more alive and more in my body when I’m playing a sport than any other time. It feels like my heart is pumping pure soul and adrenaline through my veins. It’s almost – no, it’s totally – sexual in nature, just the way my skin is electric and pure instinct takes over.
This got me wondering: are there things you do that just make you feel alive? Things that make you feel more yourself than anything else?
June 11th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Is it totally wrong that now I want to piss you off JUST to see what you’d do? (And then laugh about it through my bloody nose, because violence? HILARIOUS.)
I feel like that when I’m doing theatre. Which I haven’t done in…years. Many. Getting a degree in theatre surprisingly doesn’t involve much of the actual DOING.
June 14th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Rebecca: You would have that response. And I’m not easily baitable (is that a word? It is now.) And theater? That’s awesome. Seems like there would be a definite high out of performing. Please write a one-person act and have it ready for when I come to visit.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
I’m strictly a behind-the-scenes girl. Performing makes my face burst into flames. At least that’s what it feels like. I’ll write a one-person act and YOU can perform it.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Rebecca: Okay, but your face bursting into flames would totally get a standing ovation from the audience. I’d consider it if I were you.
June 12th, 2009 at 5:28 am
OMG! How hot are you!? I’m all worked up now:)
June 14th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Windy: Shhhh.
June 12th, 2009 at 5:56 am
Shew! Cold shower please!
My motorcycle, music, and snowmobiling usually do it for me :)
June 14th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Dawg: Ooh, music is a big one for me, too. And based on your motorcycle photos from your blog, I can’t blame you there. That looks like fun.
June 12th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Riding my horse at full speed through an open field
Live music, outside on a perfect summer evening with great friends
June 14th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Squirty: Horseback riding is awesome. I haven’t gone for so long, but I know exactly the feeling you’re talking about – it’s incredible. And I’m with you on the live music outdoors, too. That’s heaven right there.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:40 am
So what you’re saying is, local amateur women’s games are good places to pick up cute butches? Filing that away.
I’d have to say for me it’s dancing, all kinds that I can be competent at. Which reminds me that I should do that more.
June 14th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Sabayon: I’d be willing to say that any women’s sports league are a good starting point. I think the majority of my team is lesbian, but I’m the most butch.
And dancing? Hot. I love dancing and don’t get to do as much as I’d like. I want to take lessons at some point in my life.
June 12th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
* When I’m out on the flag-football field defending my zone or taking over as wide receiver and catching a throw in the end zone or advancing the teams a few much needed yards.
* Listening to good live music whether it be rock, hip-hop, pop and R&B… I feel as if I’ve extended beyond myself into another realm where it’s just me and the band and i’m feeling the vibe.
* Writing poetry with the same passion I’m feeling inside my body or mind and creating something that others can relate to or be moved from reading.
June 14th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Knowledge: Ah, someone else who gets the rush from playing a sport! And really, sports + music + writing. Excellent combo.
June 12th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
What makes me feel more alive? Really, really good sex. Enough said.
June 14th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Lisa: Well. Right. I don’t think I need to add anything to that.
June 13th, 2009 at 11:19 am
She’s hot!
Um, did you say something about sports?
xo
SF
June 14th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
SF: Believe me, if she were playing, I’d be plenty distracted. Whew.
June 15th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
*music…specifically havin a mic in my hand on stage beltin out somethin sexy and flirty
*around my closest friends…its where i am most comfortable so i am more willing to let lose and be free
*around kiddos…always wanted to be a mommy first and foremost and kids just seem to be drawn to me. i feel complete around them…
June 17th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Beautiful: Those are all great examples. I feel the same way about music – it’s been way too long since I was on stage performing! Although I will say last time I was, some biker dude kept buying my drinks for me. Weird.
June 16th, 2009 at 11:08 am
I want that outfit !
June 17th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Saint: You would! It is hot, I have to say.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
oh, i miss basketball. the problem is that now i don’t have the energy and enthusiasm i used to – and that’s how i make up for my total lack of skill!
anyhow:
dancing! swing dance – i miss it terribly.
and, really, any kind of hard, physical labor that wears me out.
and, of course, music. not always in a good way, but always seems to make me feel *more* myself.
June 21st, 2009 at 9:01 am
Lady Brett: I don’t know that I have the energy, but I still have the competitive spirit for sure. Plus we added some younger girls to the team, and they make up for everyone’s lack of speed.
I think dancing and physical labor are great answers. What better way to feel completely in your body than to use it? And music. I love your blog because of your tributes to different songs. I’m always excited when I know them, and excited to hear a new song when I don’t.
July 31st, 2009 at 10:13 am
So, here I am reading all the stuff I missed while I was preparing for/having/recovering from my hysterectomy, and I read this. This will not be a novella because all I have to say is this:
Holy f**k! You’re 5’11″? AND get all agressive? AND are completely hot? There is a God, after all. :) If I didn’t have a girlfriend, you’d be in such trouble! :wink:
August 2nd, 2009 at 8:16 am
FFG: Yes, yes, all those things about me are true. And good thing I’m not in trouble, since we’ll be meeting sometime soon!