Hurry, look – I posted poetry
I like to alternate the more thoughtful posts with those consisting primarily of pictures of hot women. Something for everyone, you know?
A lot of my friends and acquaintances are going through some changes right now, some kind of evolution or transition in their jobs, personal life, relationships, etc. One of my best friends is going through something agonizingly difficult, and I can’t do anything but love and support her while her heart is breaking. That’s hard for a fixer like me.
I’m not going through anything major, but I’m feeling restless and unfulfilled, in a sense. I tend to experience this every year around this time, when the leaves fall and the temperature drops. I love autumn; it’s my favorite time of year for so many reasons, but there’s also an unspoken yearning for something I can’t even pinpoint – also hard for a fixer like me.
Anyway, I received the poem below from my shrink a few years back, and I’ve always loved it. I re-read it every so often, and it comforts me to know that sometimes other people feel this way, too.
Change
This is where I yank the old roots
from my chest, like the tomatoes
we let grow until December, stalks
thick as saplings.
This is the moment when the ancient fears
race like thoroughbreds, asking for more
and more rein. And I, the driver,
for some reason they know nothing of
strain to hold them back.
Terror grips me like a virus
and I sweat, fevered,
trying to burn it out.
This fear is invisible. All you can see
is a woman going about her ordinary day,
drinking tea, taking herself to the movies,
reading in bed. If victorious
I will look exactly the same.
Yet I am hoisting a car from mud ruts
half a century deep. I am hacking
a clearing through the fallen slash
of my heart. Without laser precision,
with only the primitive knife of need, I cut
and splice the circuitry of my brain.
I change.
- Ellen Bass
October 5th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I like the last line. I don’t love reading poetry, but I LOVE hearing it read aloud by someone who’s really good at it. This would be a great poem to hear aloud.
October 6th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Rebecca: I’ll record myself reading it and send it to you, so you can keep it. You’ll have to tell me how dramatic of a reading you want, though. Like on a scale of 1-7.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
7. No, wait, 6.8. Do it now.
October 5th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
the english teacher: makes my heart go flippa-flip-flop that you included poetry
the femmegrrl: makes my heart squish cuz i *so* know that feeling in my life right now, and it’s *damn hard*
thank you.
October 6th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Kimber: I’m a skeptic when it comes to poetry, but I really love this piece. I’m glad you liked it.
October 6th, 2009 at 8:02 am
This is me, right now, in a piece of poetry. Nice post G.
October 6th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Jen: I felt the exact same way when I first read it. It’s nice to have it put into words, yes?
October 7th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Your poem about change inspired me!
http://sublimefemme.wordpress.com/2009/10/07/i-am-she-i-am-he/
xo
SF
October 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
gah I’m so glad I read this post, since you describe pretty much what happens to me every autumn.
yearning.
I swear that is exactly the word I have used a lot in this context. I get so restless and melancholy, I want to sit in my window with a cup of coffee and stare at my tree and at the same time “yank the old roots”, get moving, change. and each year autumn passes just too damn fast for me to grasp it all and get with it…
October 12th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
McC: Well said, my friend. For me, fall is a time of both meditation and restlessness, which sometimes isn’t the best combo. And it does pass quickly; the next thing I know, it’s December. I’m trying to enjoy it a little more this year.