Don’t let your babies grow up to play sports
So the story about the soccer player from the University of New Mexico, Elizabeth Lambert, has been all over the news recently, heavy rotation for a girl who pulled another girl’s ponytail. And it’s been bugging me.
Yeah, that sounds simplified. Some folks are appalled. Some are indifferent (people haven’t cared this much about women’s soccer since the 1999 World Cup, when the sport kicked it up a notch in the public eye). But in my opinion?
The worst thing she did was get caught.
First of all, I know soccer is supposedly a “non-contact sport;” it’s the same as basketball, right? The same sport in which I broke some ribs; broke my nose twice; split open my eyelid (stitches); split open my lip (stitches); split open my chin (stitches); and got a few black eyes, all injuries that were results of contact initiated by other players. In a college game, while guarding a girl from the other team, I trapped her along the sideline and left her nowhere to go. She searched for an open teammate, but got frustrated when she realized she couldn’t make a pass with the way I was defending her. Her solution? To look at me and very intentionally swing her arm, nailing me in the jaw with the back of her elbow and knocking me off my feet. This happened twice during that game, until she received a technical foul. I couldn’t chew solid food for a couple days after that game. That was only one instance; I can think of several more that were much harsher than what Lambert doled out during that soccer game.
But there is such a double standard these days, and it aggravates me – especially when it’s in relation to sports. The qualities people love about their favorite male athlete intimidate them when manifested in women, like drive. Cutthroat intensity. A need to dominate and conquer, to win at all costs. We like our women athletes sweet, polite, and beautiful, and those qualities couldn’t possibly coexist in a woman who might play dirty sometimes. When women show aggression like this, it either frightens (“What is wrong with her?”) or titillates (“That’s hot“), and I’m not sure which is more disturbing. So there are your choices, female athletes: just play this way, the nice way that makes everyone comfortable, or risk being seen as a monster or a girl-on-girl punchline.
Now Elizabeth is in full mea culpa mode, giving interviews and being photographed in a pink scarf to take the edge away from her so-called indefensible behavior (that got her suspended indefinitely, by the way). She’s on a campaign to rebuild her image and ask forgiveness for something that happens all the time in the athletic world, and I just feel sorry for her. Athletes are passionate. They sometimes lose their tempers (something I know nothing about), but this situation has just been blown completely out of proportion.
Here’s where I say no, I don’t condone dirty behavior, and yes, I think she went overboard. But I’ll absolutely defend her right as a player to play with intensity; I think she just got overwhelmed by the moment and let it get away from her. I think it’s ridiculous that this girl, this academically- and athletically-gifted college girl, has been vilified to the extent where she has to apologize on national talk shows. Imagine if we made male hockey players do this after every punch they threw, or insisted that baseball players go on self-image campaigns for every bench-clearing brawl. This discussion of the double standard between women’s and men’s sports is nice exploration of the difference in expectations, and hopefully I didn’t regurgitate it. But it’s a good read.
Okay, I’m off the soapbox for now. Anyone else want to hop on?
November 19th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
I HATEHATEHATE when celebrities/athletes/political figures apologize to the public. The ONLY person this girl owes an apology to is the girl whose hair she pulled. And if that girl isn’t a complete bitch she’d say, “Oh, hey, no worries,” and it would be over. She pulled another girl’s hair. Why does she have to apologize to the whole world? A politician sleeps with a woman who isn’t his wife. Why does he owe ME an apology? I wish one of them would stand up and say, “Hey bitches, this is between me and the people it affected. It’s none of your business, and I’m not going to grovel for you. Back off.”
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Rebecca: I can understand if it’s a public official; I feel that someone who is voted in by citizens is obligated to be more accountable than private citizens. But this situation? Gimme a break. She should just say, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” and get it overwith.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:33 am
She pulled her ponytail? Seriously? People actually care about this?
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Aneke: Yes, this is serious, serious business. Or something.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:00 am
This has me furious. Seriously. This is my opinion:
This happens in sports. All of the time. In every sport. And almost everyone participates (at least if you’ve played in a higher level sport – I’m not talking about tee ball, although maybe it even happens there too, I don’t know). It’s called survival. If I, being the very short point guard that I was, allowed big ass tall girls that were twice my size to constantly hurtle me across the floor, elbow me, grab my shirt, pull me to the ground, etc, without giving it back to them, I’d be fucked as a player. I had to use my skill and a little bit of elbow to say, hey, I can play this game too.
Secondly, it wouldn’t be gaining this much attention if it were a guy and not a girl. That’s bullshit.
My last point is – seriously – WHO GIVES A SHIT! There is a war going on. Soldiers are being killed daily and we don’t hear about that. The unemployment rate is horrifically high. Over 50% of spanish and black teenagers do not graduate high school. Women and children are raped and their rapists get 2 years in prison and they are out again. On and on and on. There are so many other things out there that are more important than an athlete pulling another one’s hair or Jon and Kate and what they bought from the grocery store.
It’s ridiculous!
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Jen: What you said!
That being said, I’m going to start pulling hair at work to make my points.
November 20th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Amen, sister! I especially like this observation:
When women show aggression like this, it either frightens (”What is wrong with her?”) or titillates (”That’s hot“), and I’m not sure which is more disturbing.
I’m not sure either…but the eroticism of (female) violence grows increasingly normalized every day.
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Punk: Those reactions make me want to kick someone’s ass, which someone somewhere would invariably find sexy. Sigh.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Totally with you here. RIDICULOUS double standard. In fact I think it’s that intensity that makes sports remotely interesting to watch.
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Alpha: Agreed. The human emotional element of sports is what hooks me. It’s fascinating. I’ve considered going back to school to pursue a Ph.D. in what is essentially a sports psychology field so I can study precisely this kind of thing.